Aroused and horny from no masturbation

 I hope the anonymous commenters don't mind when a comment is used in a blog post, but it often seems like they are a good reference or a good place to start.

I can't say that I am horny or aroused every second of the day, but I'm definitely a aroused and horny a whole lot more than I was or would be before I became prohibited from masturbating. 

So many more things have an erotic feel to them than ever before. Things like being stuck in traffic or having to wait in line for something are now erotic in some way for me. Those things may not cause an erection for me directly, but without me even thinking about it or being immediately aware of it, I will begin rubbing between my legs. In most cases I notice I'm doing it pretty quickly and make myself stop doing it.

In traffic while driving, the urgency to stop doing it seems lesser, so I may even continue doing it then until I do have an erection. I may even continue beyond that, but once I do have an erection now, I know that I am already not too far away from cumming.  Where edging might have lasted for minutes when I could still masturbate often, it now can only last from a few seconds to less than a minute after I have an erection and my dick is being stimulated. Now I have to stop right away because of the risk of cumming and violating that requirement. 

When I do it while waiting in line somewhere, I stop it as soon as I realize I'm doing it, even though by then I have already done it a little bit and any others around could have noticed me doing it. I usually try to mask it by acting as though I was scratching an itch or adjusting something between my legs. It's not the ideal masking, but it seems better than being seen stimulating myself. 

In public I also have to be very wary of doing it, since if I'm wearing the jeans with the large hole in front it's possible for my shirt to end up being lifted up higher. If it lifts up with the current size of the hole, it would enable anyone nearby to see into the hole. At the very least it would reveal that I had nothing on under my pants. More than likely it would enable a view of my dick, and also part of my balls now that the hole has gotten larger. 

I also stop doing it when in public because if I get an erection, especially wearing the jeans with the hole, it's really hard to hide the bulge with my shirt. An erection is now more likely than ever to stick out of the hole, so if my shirt happens to lift up when it's sticking out it would be clearly exposed to everyone within sight.

As of April 29th of 2023 I have managed to obey the requirement of not cumming for 118 days straight so far, and I don't dare violate it or disobey and disrespect what others have decided about it. 

It's still endlessly frustrating to have to stay horny and so turned on for so much of the time, but the frustration isn't just pure everyday frustration. It's not easy to explain, but it's a strange sort of frustration. It's a kind of erotic and sexual frustration that's unique and separate from just basic frustration.  

I never know how to expect it to make me feel at any given time. I get urges to do things that don't seem to make sense for the situation, and ones I know I can't act upon, but the urges do still come.

One example is something that occurs while I'm working. I paint houses and other structures for a living, and when I'm outside and up high on a ladder trying to paint something hard to reach and tedious where accuracy and neatness are required, I can suddenly get the urge to just stop and remove all of my clothes and throw them as far away as possible. I just suddenly feel like I am supposed to be up there completely naked at least until I finish the task in front of me, if not also for the rest of the day. It's not even always a matter of wanting to do it, but it's feeling as though I'm supposed to.

I don't know why that urge occurs, but it's occurred several times since I haven't been masturbating. 

Any time that my pants where my dick is or just my uncovered dick rubs up against anything, it feels stimulating and reminds me of how aroused or near to being aroused that I am. Depending on what I'm doing at the time and how involved in something that I am at the time, the rubbing and stimulation can cause an erection. In any case I can really only acknowledge my arousal and try to deal with it as best as I can, since I know there's nothing else I can do about it. 

Being so horny and aroused for so much of the day, and even at night is not all bad in spite of the sexual frustration that comes along with it. It's amazing to me how quickly and easily I get an erection now, almost but not quite like when starting puberty. Only now I know and understand a lot more about it than I did back then. My dick has become very sensitive to any stimulation compared to when I could regularly masturbate and probably overly masturbate.

Involuntarily humping the bed at night while sleeping or even occasionally voluntarily humping it never felt so good as it does now in spite of the fact that at the time I'm exposed naked while doing it and almost certainly being seen through a window at times doing it.

I don't ever seem to get angry or upset about being so aroused and horny or the fact that I can't have relief. Aside from being horny and aroused, it's mainly just the sexual frustration of knowing I have to stay that way all of the time. I can only assume the reason I don;t get upset is because so many others so far have decided that I deserve to have to stay aroused and horny. I just can't escape the fact that since that's what's mostly been decided so far, that it must be true that I deserve to have to stay aroused and horny. I can't exactly be upset about something if it's what I deserve.  

As for whatever the eventual final result is on the decisions on masturbating or intentionally being allowed to climax, I realize that others know much, much better than me about what what result I deserve, and the final majority decision is sure to be the right one, and the one I deserve. 

 

Of course the poll for deciding upon my masturbation is still open and will remain open until February 1st of 2024 for those who might wish to include their decision.

https://poll-maker.com/QW60PXF8K 

 

 

Reply to comment about disintegrating clothes (jeans)

 An anonymous comment was recently received on the "Secret Message" page at: https://secret.viralsachxd.com/91c89b4db

Since replies to comments is not possible on the page, and the sender is entirely unknown, replying to it here on the blog is the best that can be done and maybe the sender will be able to read this reply.

The comment was:

 

 In reply to the first sentence, the sender and anyone else has every right to enjoy any situations or predicaments that are related to my exposure of humiliation in any way. Anything that occurs or happens where I am exposed or humiliated is certainly going to occur or happen anyway, so anyone who can or does enjoy any of it may as well take advantage of the opportunity.

So far it's just the one pair of jeans that is in the process of "disintegrating", with a small but growing hole at the top of the rear pocket, and a now quite large hole in front beside the zipper area. My other jeans and the shirts I wear with them are basically in decent shape. Even the jeans with the holes aren't all that worn out aside from the holes. 

But it's for sure that each time I wear the jeans with the holes in them out in public, I am more exposed in them than I was the time before, especially after they go through the washing machine and the dryer. In front of a mirror and without my shirt fully pulled down over the hole, I can quite easily see through the hole and see most of my dick. An erection makes it even more obvious, since it's usual position lines up almost exactly with the hole, and more often than not it will stick out of the hole.

It's anyone's guess how long it might be before somebody says something, since some of that depends on who ends up noticing or seeing some or all of my dick through the hole at some point. I do my best to keep the hole covered by the bottom of my shirt in public places, so as long as I'm successful at that, there's less chance for someone to see something and then say something about it. It's more or less inevitable that I won't successfully conceal things enough, either because of being unable to keep my shirt pulled down far enough, or because the hole simply gets too large. That's the likely point where someone will see into the hole and see my dick.

Even when someone does see my dick, that still may not be the point when something is said about it. They may or may not decide to say something to me about it. If they don't say anything, then that means someone else will also eventually see into the hole and see my dick. Things will repeat like that until someone finally does say something. If what they say is derogatory or negative, then the jeans can stop being worn.  

Until that point the jeans will continue to become more rag-like while being worn in public. Since no underwear can be worn underneath, every stitch and shred of fabric the jeans lose further reveals and exposes me.

At times while in public, I can often feel the breeze or the wind blowing across my dick, and it's difficult to know for sure whether it's just blowing into the hole or if my dick is actually outside of the hole. Since in public it's not always possible to be adjusting and shifting things around "down there", or to be able to just lift my shirt and look to see, I usually just end up trying to keep the bottom of my shirt pulled down as far as possible. How well that works depends on how long the shirt is that I'm wearing, and how far it might be able to be stretched downwards. As it is, if I ever end up having to reach up high with both hands while in public or within view of others, then no shirt I have would be long enough to prevent my exposure and almost certain humiliation. 

At the time of this writing, the jeans with the hole in are in the process of being washed and dried once again, so within days they will be due to be worn again, and the holes are sure to have been made larger. During the few days while they're being worn again, it won't be possible to avoid ending up in public at least a couple of times.  

                      As an erection begins to occur, it can easily slip out through the hole.
 

 

Once an erection becomes full, it can no longer just be slid back into the hole, and has to be left out until it subsides or until there is enough privacy to unbutton and unzip the jeans.

 

 

100 days of no masturbation or cumming

April 11th of 2023 marks the 100th day since being prohibited from masturbating or cumming intentionally. On average I would have masturbated and came about 400 times during this period. 

So instead of masturbating, cumming, and then going back to non sexual and non arousing things and thoughts, I have for the most part remained aroused, turned on, and often thinking sexual or kinky thoughts when none of that would otherwise be occurring.

The poll for deciding about my masturbation can still be voted in, and will remain available until February 1st of 2024, when the decision with the majority of votes at that time will become permanent for me. Clicking the results button at the bottom of the poll page will show the current results whether voting is performed or not.

https://poll-maker.com/QW60PXF8K

Just as they have so far, the majority decision must be and will be respected and obeyed by me at all times. Only others are qualified to decide what it is that I deserve in this matter. 

Of course one result on not masturbating, shown in the photo below, is an extremely common occurrence for me, at any time or place and often seemingly without a reason or direct cause.

 

The requirement that I remain exposed naked all night, every night means there's no hiding or concealing any erection I get, and that others are either likely or sure to see me with one. 

Also, as I continue to wear a pair of jeans with a hole beside the zipper (without underwear since none can ever be worn by me), and as the size of the hole continues to enlarge, my dick continues be become more visible and easier for others to see. Ongoing spontaneous erections will not only continue to pop out through the hole, but will surely pop out more often as the hole becomes larger. 

Wearing a long shirt and having it pulled down is already the only real means for keeping my dick from being openly exposed in public settings. Common erections due to not masturbating are nearly impossible to entirely conceal, especially once my erection extends fully out through the hole.  

                    My dick is often just inside the hole and on the verge of popping out

 

Once an erection begins to occur, my dick tends to come out through the hole. Getting it back inside of the hole is not always easy or possible if others are nearby.

 

Once I have a full erection in any public place or around others, it's not really possible to force my dick back into the hole without also only revealing my dick while doing it, or without trying to forcefully bend it. If not privacy is available to undo my pants, then my erection must remain outside of the hole until it subsides or until there is an opportunity to undo my pants. At best an attempt to pull down my shirt to cover it is the only available option while trying not to allow the bulge under my pulled down shirt. 

One second of loosing the grip on my shirt can lead to my erection being fully revealed and visible, such as having to used both hands for other tasks, or of course if someone else intentionally pulled up my shirt. 

Many of my shirts are just not long enough to offer much cover, even while being pulled downwards. Only one is actually long enough to not need to be overly stretched to cover my dick while also concealing a bulge underneath. 

Each time an erection occurs in public while wearing those jeans, I can only wonder if attempts to conceal it will be successful, or if this is a time when my erection will end up being openly exposed.

No masturbating - update

 In the last couple of days, seven more votes were received in the poll, and all seven chose that I cannot masturbate or intentionally cum. The poll will still be open for many months yet, but the current results seem to indicate that I may not actually deserve to masturbate or cum intentionally. Since the current result in the majority must be obeyed, it's clear that I definitely won't be masturbating or cumming any time soon. I will be remaining aroused, horny, and turned on, which I have to accept as what I deserve. 

https://poll-maker.com/QW60PXF8K 

Aside from learning what I actually deserve, not masturbating is revealing some unexpected things to me. 

The most unexpected of all is that being aroused and turned on from not masturbating kind of turns around on itself for me. By that I mean that because I am most often aroused and horny, and I know that I cannot masturbate or cum, knowing I have to stay that way arouses and turns me on even more. So basically, being aroused and turned on from not being allowed to masturbate makes me even more aroused and turned on. It took a while of not masturbating before that seemed to begin, but I may just have taken a while to realize it. I have been prohibited from masturbating for more than 90 days so far, so I don't know if knowing I can't masturbate or cum will continue to keep making me even more aroused and turned on. I suppose it's just another part of what I deserve though.

Another thing I've discovered is that I cannot resist edging myself repeatedly and often, even though I know it can never result in me cumming or ejaculating. I don't technically masturbate, since I don't actually stroke or use a hand. Being so aroused all I have to do is to keep lightly touching my dick with a fingertip on the under side just below the head, and it's enough to keep be edged. I have to pause every so often to ensure that I don't get too close to cumming, which is an endless tease for me, but I know I have to obey the requirement for not cumming at all. 

I don't really want to do it and keep teasing myself, but if I'm alone and preoccupied with something else, I often realize I am already doing it. Once I realize it, it's very hard to stop doing it. Usually something will interrupt me and I will stop then, or I get so aroused that I can barely do it at all without a risk of cumming, and my only option is to force myself to stop doing it. Occasionally I stop because I have someplace to go, which usually means I'm heading out being super aroused and with an erection. Most of the time when walking out the door I'm aroused with an erection. 

Something I found to be very true is that I do not dare to risk intentionally cumming no matter how possible it might appear that there's a chance for getting away with it. Knowing I'm not allowed to intentionally cum and knowing it would violate a requirement is more than enough to ensure that I obey the requirement. I would know I was guilty of violating the requirement, and of disobeying decisions others have made, and I would be stuck living with that guilt. I also feel absolutely sure that my offense would be known about or discovered, and I would have no justification for it. What most voters decide that I deserve is certain to be what I deserve, and that decision must be accepted by me and obeyed by me. Accepting what I deserve is the only option for me. 

With the requirement that I have to sleep naked every night, without any covering, with sufficiently bright lights on, and with the window uncovered that enables a direct view of me from outside, not be permitted to masturbate is continuously causing erections and leading me to hump the bed, mostly during sleep, but now also when awake but near to falling asleep. I tried to limit or even prevent these things from occurring, since they can and likely will be seen by others with a view of my window, but I've had to resign myself to the fact that those things are going to occur due to me being so aroused and horny. Because they are going to occur, I just have to accept the fact that others are going to see those things when they are seeing me naked in bed. Some have more than likely already seen me with an erection in bed or seen me humping the bed naked or both, which can't be unseen even if I could somehow limit or prevent those things from occurring. 

Each night, I go to bed only knowing that I will be exposed naked through the window all night long, but most nights, or for all I know every night, I end up providing much more of a display for anyone who sees me through the window due to being so aroused from not masturbating or cumming. It's clear by now that this is going to continue indefinitely if not always, so maybe eventually everyone who can see it will see it, and there will hardly be anyone left who hasn't seen all of it. That seems about the only real option for me, since I'm required not to hide, cover, or conceal anything during the night or while in bed.

I suppose getting what I deserve can't be expected to be easy all of the time, but I know it does have to be accepted as much as possible even when it's occurring.

Note: The poll https://poll-maker.com/QW60PXF8K has three options or choices ever since it had to be moved to a different polling site, since it was mentioned twice that the poll options were to complex and complicated, and that the poll needed to be simplified to options that either allowed me to masturbate or for me to not be allowed to masturbate. The earlier options were said to be redundant. They also received basically no votes, so their removal didn't effect the overall results.

Two options still allow for the option for me to masturbate in some way, while one does not. So in the end I will either have some sort of permission to masturbate and cum, or I will be permanently prohibited from masturbating and intentionally cumming, and I will have to accept that I only deserve to be aroused and turned on. But that's for voters to decide and I am and will be required to obey their decision.

A hole in jeans update

 A couple months ago I related in a post about having a pair of blue jeans that had developed a small hole next to the zipper area. At the time a comment on the post suggested that I keep wearing them for as long as possible. Since "as long as possible" isn't very defining, it was decided that I would continue to wear them until a negative comment is made by someone about them to me personally while I am wearing them.

I currently have three pairs of jeans that I cycle through, wearing one after another. Each pair is worn, washed, and dried in a clothes dryer about once per week. Since the last post about them, the pair with the hole has been repeatedly worn just as I committed to doing. They have been washed and dried since then between eight and ten times. Here is what the hole currently looks like:

The hole continues to grow larger after each washing and drying, and my dick tends to pop out of the hole at times. Especially when I first stand up or while walking. It doesn't pop out every single time I get and erection, but if the hole is lined up in a certain way while an erection is growing, the tip of my dick will pop out of the hole. 

If no one is nearby, and I can push my dick back into my pants, only part of my shaft would show through the hole. But if I can't shove my dick back into my pants and my erection becomes full, it's very difficult to just shove it back inside without undoing my pants because of how much of my dick is extended beyond the hole. If I'm lucky, my erection will subside quickly and allow me to push my dick back into the hole. If I'm not lucky and others are around me, all I can do is to try to keep my shirt pulled down enough to cover my erection while it's extending through the hole.

The week before the photos were taken I was in a large drug store when one of my now common spontaneous erections began to occur. At first I didn't think much of it even though there were people throughout the store. Then I felt the tip of my dick begin exiting the hole. I was in an aisle where there were people in front of me and also behind me, and I didn't know what to do. I stopped walking and pretended to be looking at something on a lower shelf as I attempted to get my erection back inside of the hole while keeping my shirt pulled down as far as it would go. Since I was carrying items I had to set them down to free my hands. I could only use one hand since the other hand had to keep my shirt pulled down far enough. By then my erection had grown too much and too much of it extended out of the hole for me to get it to go back inside of the hole. I nearly succeeded but my pants were too tight for there to be enough slack in them, and my dick was too stiff. As others began walking in my direction I had to abandon my attempts and reign myself to just tying to keep my shirt pulled down. I had to pull down hard and stretch my shirt out, which was surely noticeable, but if I didn't my erection would be right out in the open.

I also had to keep the bottom of my shirt slightly away from my body, or the bulge and outline of my erection would easily show under my shirt. I couldn't carry the items I'd selected and keep my shirt pulled down at the same time, so I had to go and get a small basket the store keeps available and carry the basket with one hand while keeping my shirt pulled down. 

Fortunately for me, the checkout counter is high enough that by standing up against it, I was able to let go of my shirt without it rising up. As far as I know I managed to exit the store without anyone seeing my erection directly, even though one or more people may have noticed either the bulge under my shirt or the fact that I was making an effort to stretch the bottom of my shirt down as far as it would go.

I have dozens of t-shirts that I regularly wear, and of all of them only one will hang down far enough to cover the hole in my jeans or the fact that my dick is sticking out of it or at least visible through the hole. When that shirt is in the laundry, only shorter shirts are available. 

When I first put on the jeans with the hole, I am aware of the hole. But I very often forget that it's those jeans that I'm wearing when I go out anywhere. Unless something draws my attention to the hole, such as feeling my dick pop out through the hole, I often fail to think about the hole at all. On cool days I might feel the cool air hitting my dick and be reminded of the hole, but on warmer days as it's been lately where I live, I often go in and out of places and do whatever I'm out to do all without acknowledging the hole. Only later when I once again realize I have those jeans on, do I realize that I was walking around oblivious to the hole being there. I don't recall anyone obviously noticing the hole or seeing my dick through the hole, but if I'm not conscious of the hole at any moment, I'm not watching out for that sort of thing.

At times while wearing those jeans I will happen to look down and see my soft dick right inside of the hole, and if it won't be too noticeable to anyone I will quickly shit my dick to the right side, since the hole is on my left side. That only works for a short time or until I move around, since my dick naturally moves to the left side and will stay there. On it's own my dick will settle right where the hole is, which may have something to do with how the hole began to form in that spot to begin with. 

At the moment the hole is big enough to enable my dick to just pop through it at any time, but otherwise the jeans are still in decent enough shape for them to continue to be worn. More than once lately, when I need to pee and I'm about to unzip my pants while standing on front of a toilet, I will notice that my dick is already partially sticking out of the hole, and I will just pull it out through the hole a bit more and then pee without having to unzip the zipper at all. 

The next few cycles through the laundry are sure to enlarge the hole even more, and it's inevitable that others will notice it or possibly see my dick. If someone sees it and says something negative about it, then the jeans can be retired. If they see and don't say anything then nothing changes and the jeans will be worn again. 

If I could wear some sort of underwear, the jeans might be able to be worn indefinitely, but I long ago promised and committed not to ever wear underwear for any reason at all. It's also been so long since I've worn any that the feeling of them is intolerable to me. I only possess one single pair of underwear that were originally kept for unique times like doctors exams or such things, but underwear has not been worn even for those reasons for a long time. If I'm told at an exam to strip to my underwear, I just have to inform them that I don't wear any and have none on. So wearing underwear is not an option for me.

For now the jeans with the hole will continue to be worn regularly along with the other pairs that I own. It's inevitable that my dick will pop out from time to time, and I will deal with it as best as I can. For them not to be worn anymore, someone will not only end up seeing my dick, but they will also have to make a negative comment or react about it in a less than positive manner. Until that happens the hole will become larger and larger and will expose me even more than it already does.

 

Up-to-date on nightly exposure and no masturbating

 As much is it could go without saying due to all requirements for me being obeyed, I'm still remaining exposed naked each night and while in bed.

In the last photo, a car with its headlight on can be seen approaching in the direction of the window. It's not known if its occupants saw me, but in the early morning light they may have. Of course all night long and while it's fully dark outside I remain exposed and observable although I am asleep and unaware of any of it for most or all of that time. 

                                             David Steckel sleeping while exposed naked through window
 

Although being exposed naked to view all night does still include periods of time of feeling extremely exposed and feeling at least moderately humiliated at times, I believe my public exposure each night is becoming or even is a matter of course for me.

When getting into bed I can often do it without much thought about my being naked, the lights being on, or about the window being uncovered. It's basically the new normal for me. I can become quite aware of my exposure if I look directly at the window from my bed, especially if I can see beyond the window, so I make an attempt to not look in that direction. 

Due to not masturbating, which has been the case now for 55+ days and nights, erections occur every night and usually multiple times per night. Once I fall asleep, any time I wake up during the night I tend to already have an erection. To be able to fall asleep again quickly, I found it best to just ignore the erections. I obviously get them while asleep and anyone observing me would see them anyway, so it doesn't seem worthwhile to pay attention to them while I'm briefly awake. 

I still wake up to find myself on my stomach humping the bed or on my back thrusting upwards, but the most I can do then is to stop doing it and assume that anyone observing me has seen it. Apparently as long as I'm aroused or horny from not masturbating, these things will continue and aren't preventable. I just have to consider them as being part of my nightly exposure to the neighborhood. 

For at least some nearby, my nightly exposure naked is likely a fixture that is expected to be there. Especially for those who have the best line of sight view of my bed through the window. Those who arrive home late in the evening or who leave early in the morning before or just after dawn have every opportunity to see me. The rest of the night is an open question since the comings and goings of others is random and unpredictable. 

It's a strange dichotomy though, since during the day my body is mostly mine to conceal or keep covered up, but at night none of that is the case. Seeing me completely naked and exposed is as simple as looking towards my window, and the opportunity to view me is not brief or temporary. It lasts for the entire night and well into or after dawn at the current time. 

As the time for sunrise and sunset changes over time, how long I am exposed each night won't change. From between 10:30 and 11:00 pm each night until between 7:00 and 7:30 am each morning I will be exposed to view naked. Any night where I am extra tired and go to be earlier, it only means that my exposure begins earlier that night.

 

A hole in jeans

 In a post it was mentioned how one pair of jeans of mine has a hole near the zipper area. It was mentioned in a comment that I should keep wearing them for as long as possible.

I do have a few pairs of jeans, so the pair with the hole is cycled through. As they are washed or laundered, each pair is worn again. Each time the pair with the hole is worn or washed, the hole inevitably gets larger and more easily noticeable.

It began as the tiniest of holes, but has now become large enough to be potentially revealing.

As of today they are due to be laundered again, but before removing them for laundering, a few photos were taken. The hole will surely be slightly enlarged once the jeans go through the washer and the dryer.

So far only a small part of my penis is visible through the hole, especially when I have a full or partial erection. Since I still have no permission to masturbate, erections tend to occur often. Most shirts I own are not long enough to cover the hole unless the shirt is pulled down and held at all times, which is not possible. 

When I'm out and walking around it's hard to tell how much can be seen, since my point of view is from directly above, while the view of others is more straight on.

The few strings covering the hole are slowly being worn away with each wearing and each laundry cycle. 

When at home I'm naked most of the time, and I only put clothes on when I'm about to leave home, excluding any underwear of course. It's almost always just a shirt, pants, and shoes.

I have noticed a few others in public just glancing down towards the hole, but I can't be sure what may have been visible to them at the time. I often even forget that I'm currently wearing the jeans with the hole either until someone glances toward the hole or until I'm walking and feel a flow of cooler air on my penis. 

It's inevitable that the hole will become large enough to see through, at very least showing that I'm not wearing anything underneath. 

It's hard to say when "for as long as possible" will be, but clearly that point has not been reached yet.  

Of course this is what the jeans are concealing at least for now

 

Exposure update

 It's been eight days since the last update, so another update is about due.

The most noteworthy subject is probably that the three week point has been passed since I was last able to masturbate. 

https://forms.gle/cx6YQK5zF6fuNk3n8  

For a short time I believed some point had been passed where being repeatedly aroused at random times of the day and night has eased some, since even erections occurred a bit less often.

I don't know why there was some reprieve for me for a few days, just as I don't know why I've once again begun to be aroused without an apparent reason or get erections at random times.

The short reprieve seems to have caused me to lower my guard a bit. 

I was recently driving n a multi lane highway with lots of traffic lights and turning lanes, and doing it early in the morning when lots of other traffic was present. 

I had a partial erection for some of the drive, but it soon became a full erection that was clearly outlined in my pants. Since I don't wear underwear, the erection extended several inches down the inner part of my left leg. As I drove along there was traffic in all three lanes that remained built up at a traffic signal even after the light had turned green. I ended up sitting still quite a bit. 

I first began rubbing my pants over top of my erection in an absent minded way, but because it felt so good I became aware of doing it. I was so aroused though, and because I saw no vehicles near me that were tall enough for anyone to see between my legs, I kept rubbing slowly and carefully. I wanted the feeling but I knew that climaxing was still not permitted no matter how much I might want it.

I pulled into a lane on the left and waited for the signal ahead to change to allow crossing of the three oncoming lanes of traffic. While I sat there, the three lanes of traffic on my right kept going through a green traffic signal. 

I was so caught up in my rubbing that I never paid attention to how the traffic on my right had stopped due to the signal in front of them turning red. 

I was suddenly aware of a high, white pickup truck just beside me, and I saw a guy behind the wheel watching me rub the raised area of fabric covering my erection, The truck windows had a tint to them, so seeing beyond the driver was difficult. I did think I saw another person in the passenger seat trying to lean over to look my way. There was definitely someone else moving around over there, but the tint on the glass made it hard to tell what they were doing or looking at.

I stopped my rubbing, and a second or so later the guy looked right at me with just a trace of a smirk on his face. I knew that he knew what I'd been doing, and he knew that I knew I'd bee seen by him doing it. Fortunately for me the signal for turning changed to green and I was able to make my turn. I knew I had to be more careful and to restrain my urges and impulses while in public.

I did begin to rub my erection a couple more times after that, but as soon as I realized I was doing it I forced myself to stop.

Sometimes in private I will let myself rub for a while, since it feels good. It's just a tease though, and the price for that is to be fully stimulated and close to a climax, but having to stop without any release or relief.

Even before I got out of bed that morning, I had been drifting in and out of sleep for a while before, and I was aware that I was maintaining a full erection. At the time it was still mostly dark out and soon began to get s bit light outside. I recall looking towards the uncovered window during one of these moments and noticed that some cars were moving about with their headlights on. I knew this meant that people were heading to their cars and going to wherever they needed to go, and that they might be seeing me or looking my way as they did this.

I knew there was nothing preventing them from seeing me naked, and I was still too groggy and half asleep to want to give it much thought. I did wish my erection would go away so that they wouldn't see me naked and with a full erection, but the erection was unrelenting. I knew turning onto my front would be unbearable and way too stimulating, so all there was to do is lie there naked, illuminated, and with a full erection. By reminding myself that there was no point in thinking about any of that right now, I managed to doze off again for a while.

I don't think there's any way to actually get used to being completely exposed naked to the view of anyone nearby who has even the slightest desire to look. The most that seems possible is to adjust as much as possible to it. This involves repeatedly reminding myself that not one single thing is private for me while in bed. I still try to deceive myself at times by telling myself that no one is seeing me or looking, but I know that's not really possible or realistic. 

I don't know it, but I feel that by now after more than sixty nights and well over 400 hours of being exposed, that some of those nearby have come to expect to see me exposed during the night whenever they happen to look my way. I don't believe that any of them would react to it if I wasn't exposed when they expected me to be, other than wondering why I wasn't exposed, but I do believe that it would be noticed by some. Those seeing me for their first time would still probably just look without any real expectations.

My nightly erections and my humping of the bed still continue unabated, and if anything they occur more than ever. A dozen or so times per week I awaken during the night to find myself on my front and humping the bed with an erection. The only option then is to roll over to try to limit the stimulation of my erection, which then exposes my erection to additional possible view. Much or even all of this must be due to having not masturbated or climaxed for more then three weeks and counting.

It does appear that my arousal and erections will continue well into the foreseeable future, since the results of the questionnaire remain largely unchanged. 

https://forms.gle/cx6YQK5zF6fuNk3n8 

A few times I wanted to climax so much that I would momentarily consider just masturbating even without permission to do it, but each time I have to dismiss that thought. I know that explaining why I did it or worse, lying about it would never be successful over the long term. I have no doubt at all that at some point it would be discovered due to an inconsistency by me or for some other reason. 

With the current results by far deciding that I cannot masturbate, I simply have to accept that there is no masturbating unless or until the results and the majority decision changes.

A graph of the current questionnaire results:

 

Nightly Exposure in bed

 To show that my required nightly exposure while in bed is occurring and ongoing, some recent photos are now available. Due to the current results of decisions in the open questionnaire at: https://forms.gle/cx6YQK5zF6fuNk3n8 there has been no masturbation by me for 15 days. 

This has made erections more common, unpredictable, and caused them to last much longer than they otherwise would. Erections occur while awake and also during sleep at a time while my exposure is occurring each night in bed through a window. 

With the night time temperatures being quite low recently, the window has had to remain closed but still largely uncovered as the photos show. The blind is fixed in place and cannot be closed without the removal of plastic ties that hold it in place. 

The light level in the room is the same each night and no sheets or any other covering is present or within reach. 

A series of timed photos show me in bed naked and show the uncovered window beyond. At night the light in the room causes a reflection in the glass, which from my position on the bed mostly appears as my own naked reflection. The photos don't appear to show this reflection of me, but it causes me to be able to see little or nothing of the outside at night, or to know whether anyone might be seeing me or not. 

In order to sleep I can only lie there exposed whether I'm being seen at the moment or not. There have only been a few times while I was awake when it was clear that others were looking in at me and seeing me. While asleep it's unknown if or when I am being seen or observed in bed. 

The photos might appear much the same, but they can also be seen in gif image that shows the small differences in them. 

 

                          

 

 

The photos and the gif show how I spent every night, all night long. Photos of the view outside the window during day time are included here again to show the potential for my nightly exposure to be seen.

 

It has also been pointed out to me a few times where my exposure was lacking or insufficient in some way where it was deemed not be presented or so easily accessible by others. If and when these things are pointed out to me, they will be addressed if at all possible. In situations like that I can only apologize for any failure to be exposed as others deem that I should be. 
                 

Erotic fantasies and dreams since not masturbating

 It's not hard to understand why not masturbating for two entire weeks now would lead to very common erections and a heightened level of overall arousal. Something like that was expected, even if it's turning out to be more than expected. 

What wasn't really expected is how during the day I'm fantasizing a whole lot more often than I did before not being able to masturbate. Of course this only leads to even more erections occurring and it seems like a kind of feedback loop. 

I'm aroused and horny, so I get erections, which only increase my arousal, which leads to more erections. 

One of the more common fantasies that have begun to occur is if I see a person in public that is at least somewhat attractive looking to me. I then imagine if all of their clothing just vanished right then and there and what that might look like. I start to imagine how they might react or what they might try to do to avoid being seen naked more than they already had been by everyone around them. It doesn't take long before I have a full erection. 

The dreams at night tend to different than that and generally involve me being in some unusual situation.

One in particular keeps happening that seems to have a good bit of detail. This surprised me since it is something that has never occurred and something I've never seen happen. How I got to be the way I am in the dream is never clear, but each time it occurs it seems like it's the first time rather than a rerun or repeated dream.

It begins with me being naked along a long paved pathway with a long chain link fence running parallel to it's length. I'm facing the fence and right up against it. Behind me and on the other side of the path is a wide grassy area with some thick woods beyond. In front on the other side of the fence is a huge open, grassy field with the grass cut low, and with a single mid sized tree not far from the fence. 

I realize that as hard as I try, I cannot move away from the fence. I push away with my hands and lean back, but I feel my penis stretching and even tingling a little. It's then that I notice a thin, strong string tied very tightly around the head of me penis. The string goes through one of the small openings in the fence directly in front of where my penis is. My penis is stretched out to its limit through the opening in the fence. The other end of the string is tied tightly around the tree that's just beyond the other side of the fence. It's keeping me from being able to pull my penis out of the opening and keeping me from moving away from the fence.

I try to reach my penis with my hands, but the opening in the fence is too small. I can't get my fingers more than part way through any of the openings and cannot even come close to reaching the string that's tied around the head of my penis. I realize I am trapped right there just as I am. 

I'm vaguely aware that one or more others are nearby laughing at me and mocking my predicament, but I never see them and only hear them. The last thing I hear from them is "Goodbye", and they apparently leave. 

In the dream I become frantic to get free before people come along and see me, and I begin trying to bend or force one of the openings in the fence to become large enough for my hand to get through, but I can't get the opening to get any larger. 

I pull back as hard as I can, which for some reason makes my penis get fully hard and feel tingly in a pleasing way, but the string is too tight to enable my penis to be withdrawn at all. The string is already too tight. 

As I realize that I am going to have to just stay there and wait until others come along, I start to moan in a sort of resignation of my soon to occur humiliation. My penis remains erect though, and the tingling feeling in it even increases.

        Similar to the fence in the dream, but with a walking path behind instead of a roadway.

It's during this time in the dream that I wake up in bed naked, always with an erection and with an almost sure sense that I'd been either humping the bed or just thrusting upwards if lying on my back. 

Once realizing it was just another dream I feel some relief that it wasn't happening for real, and with a curiosity about why such a helpless and humiliating situation leaves me feeling so aroused. I also wonder why the dream always ends at about the same point. 

Some other dreams are more vague and less detailed, but most often involve me being in some crowded place naked, but without anyone seeming to notice yet. Somehow I always know that if I move even a little bit, everyone will notice, and that they will notice anyway within some short amount of time.

I sit there, or stand if that's how the dream goes, contemplating what I should do. I can never decide whether it;s better to stay still until I'm noticed, or if I should move or stand up. I seem to know that any exit is beyond a large number of people who I'd have to pass through or pass by. The dream always comes to and end before I can seem to make up my mind about what too do.

Between the common erections and arousal, fantasies and unusual dreams, going so long without masturbating or cumming seems to be continuing to have more and greater effects. I can't imagine there being more to come or what might be next.

More common arousal and erections

 Thirteen days without any masturbation or relief from arousal and being in a state of arousal is still occurring more frequently and seems more intense. I'm beginning to doubt that there is ever going to be a point where it just can't become any more intense than it already is. 

During the first several days, becoming aroused and having an erection became much more common than it did when I could still masturbate daily or multiple times per day. Into the second week I thought it may have plateaued and might remain much the same as days passed. After even more days passed, I realized that how often I was aroused and how often I got an erection was still increasing, but just not at such a noticeable rate. Day after day I'm finding that I'm getting even more erections and often at times when I'm not even sure of what triggered it. The erections seem to be lasting longer and are more difficult to get rid of.

At work, the pants I wear are more loose fitting, so an erection may not be too apparent to anyone who might potentially notice. Any other time though, my pants do very little to conceal the long raised shape of an erection in my pants. I've recently discovered that I may have been misjudging just how noticeable an erection in my pants might actually be.

I recently had to go to a large drug store to drop off a prescription for someone, and then wait while it was filled. While standing in line I felt my penis begin to stir and within a minute or so I had an erection. The pharmacy was in a wide alcove area, so I felt somewhat concealed. Most of those in line in front of me mostly faced away from me, although I was aware that on my left there was a line of chairs against one wall where people could sit to wait as their prescriptions were being filled.

Once I dropped off the prescription, I was told that it should be ready in twenty minutes or so. I went over and sat down in one of the chairs along the wall. I still had an erection and I knew it might be visible to those who were now waiting in line. I casually looked down and my erection didn't seem too noticeable. Then I noticed that on the opposite wall, on the other side of those waiting in line, there was a large mirror that had a few small displays on either end of it. 

Nearly in the center of the mirror I saw my own reflection if me sitting in the chair, and the erection in my pants appeared prominently and quite noticeable. I shifted in my seat to see if changing the angle made a difference, but it didn't. Even closing my legs made very little difference, if any.

The more I tried to will or wish the erection away, the more full the erection appeared to be. I finally settled on just waiting for it to subside on its own and figured no one would really notice. 

It seemed to work that way for a minute or so, until I saw a guy go from looking away from me to looking right at me, and I was sure I saw a quick glance between my legs. He then returned to looking away from me. I was a little bit relieved when he did look away until it occurred to me that he was likely just looking at my reflection in the large mirror.

Only a couple minutes later I noticed a husky woman in a tank top and shorts looking my way. She had tattoos on both shoulders and one on her ankle. When I looked right at her, her gaze seemed to suddenly rise from between my legs to my face. When she saw me returning the look she just smiled slightly and began looking around. I was sure she glanced my way again a few more times, but it was too quick for me to know for sure. 

She finally made her way to the service window and a minute or so later the prescription I was waiting for was ready. I left there feeling sure that at least a couple people there knew that I had an erection under my pants. 

It was one of those now more common times when I could almost swear that my penis wants everyone to know and see that it's erect, in spite of how exposed I feel or how humiliating it is for my erection to be noticed in public. If that was true then it's my penis that is getting what it wants. 

There are more and more times while I have an erection that I have to consciously prevent myself from actively thrusting my hips. I usually notice only after one or two thrusts have occurred and then I have to cover it by pretending to stretch or shift positions for how I'm sitting or standing. I don't know if that works to fool anyone, but it's all I have and I have to at least try it.

At night in bed there's no pretending or anything else. Since I'm naked eveything is right out there and anyone who might look in through the window would see literally everything.

If I'm tired enough, I may doze off without getting much of an erection. But for some reason an erection seems to occur shortly afterwards. I'm not sure but I think it's due to that once I begin to fall asleep, my guard is let down and there is nothing preventing my arousal from showing in whatever way it can. Since sleep cannot be avoided, my nightly exposure seems to include an erection more and more. I'm waking up with an erection more often than ever, and they refuse to subside for a longer and longer time. For the most part I just try to ignore them and go back to sleep if I can. 

Not long ago I was at least able to turn onto my stomach and at least temporarily make it not so obvious to anyone who might be seeing me. This still left my bare ass exposed, so it wasn't ideal. Recently though, I can't seem to even fully doze off on my stomach before I find myself humping the bed. My bare ass is not only exposed, but it ends up being thrust upwards and then downwards over and over again, and impossible not to be observed if anyone happened to be looking in through the window at me. 

Just last night I woke up on my stomach, humping the bed non stop. It felt so good that in my half awake state I didn't care to stop it. As I enjoyed the feeling it suddenly all came back to me that I was exposed naked through the window. I opened my eyes and looked towards the window just as my final thrust was occurring. I saw a reflection of my own bare ass rise up in an arch and go down once more. It's nearly certain that this is also occurring while I'm asleep and at times I'm just not waking up to know it or to stop it. 

A newer and more recent development appears to be that I'm now thrusting my hips and my erection upwards even while I'm lying on my back. I've woken up to find myself doing this several times already over the last few nights. It's now one more way that I'm exposed and potentially seen by much of the neighborhood.

Without being able to masturbate, it's seeming more and more inevitable that more and more of the neighborhood around me is going to see all of this eventually. It's very likely that some have already seen it.

Being exposed to view naked in bed comes with it's own degree of humiliation. Being seen by anyone who simply looks towards my window increases that degree. The potential for being seen humping the bed naked, and seen much more often with an erection just seems to ensure a high degree of humiliation. I feel it at the time while exposed, and even more so when seeing or encountering those near me during the day, knowing they may or actually have seen eveything. 

A recent look at the questionnaire results so far shows that there will be no masturbating for me. This practically ensures that others will keep noticing the outline of my erections in my pants during the day, and that most or all of those nearby my window will end up seeing me naked and erect at night, and thrusting my hips naked. There's also an ever increasing risk that I may accidentally or unintentionally climax and cum in the middle of some public place, and end up just having to stand or sit there as it occurs. 

The most unusual and unexpected thing of all for me has to be that things that didn't cause me any arousal before, and things that still shouldn't really cause any arousal for me, are actually leading me to become aroused. Sometimes even highly aroused. 

One example is the questionnaire. A part of me is startled and alarmed that I cannot masturbate for at least what will surely be a long time, if ever. That does entirely depend on whether decisions in the questionnaire allow a change. I can't figure out why it is, but the realization that I cannot masturbate and won't be able to anytime soon causes me to become erect and aroused. I don't quite understand why this happens, since it's as if my mind and my penis aren't in agreement on how to react. It's as if my mind is saying "Oh no!" while my penis is enjoying it. 

https://forms.gle/c5J2e99Sx94kNi3UA 

It's just one more reason why it can seem as though my penis is in charge, is liking every bit of it, and has no desire for anything to change.

Post: January 11th

Update on a few topics:

At the current time it is the the eleventh day of no masturbating. I have not had one single ejaculation or climax since Jan. 1st and it's now into the eleventh day. For brief periods during the day I can feel very little effect from it, but never for more than several minutes. 

Questionnaire for deciding upon David Steckel's masturbation, or lack of it. Majority decision must remain in effect unless or until it changes/

https://forms.gle/c5J2e99Sx94kNi3UA 

Within a short time my penis decides to remind me that it will become hard or erect whenever it wants to. Even trying to think of non-arousing things doesn't always work well or too quickly.

This morning I got an erection while driving, just before I arrived at a convenience store where I needed to stop. I pulled into the lot and I couldn't get my erection to subside. After sitting there for a minute or so I had to get out of the car, since I didn't have much time to spare. There were a few others around, mostly sitting in other cars that all park front-end-in facing the store. The store is along a congested highway with a traffic light right there and cars were sitting there waiting. 

When I stood up, my penis was in a bad spot and felt like it was being bent, so I tried as casually as I could to readjust its position in my pants. I don't know for sure if I was casual enough for anyone not to notice, but I saw no sign of anyone noticing.

Being in front of so many cars and people, I didn't really inspect how I might appear down there and just walked into the store. I grabbed what I needed and stood next in line at the register. On the wall to my left there was a large screen that showed that part of the store on the screen. I saw the cashier, the person in front of me, and myself. On the screen I could see a bulge in the front of my jeans and I immediately had the urge to cover it up. Before I did, I realized how obvious that would be, and that I would also be shown on the screen and would be visible even to those who couldn't see much of my front. I had to just let it go and hope no one else noticed. I assume that no one did notice, only because no one acted like they did.

If I didn't know better I would swear that my penis wants everyone to know it's there, and to see one of its capabilities. 

Any time my mind wanders, I can find my hand reaching between my legs and even rubbing myself there. This happens when I'm alone when I just have to stop myself from doing, but it has happened a few times when others are around or present too. When I realize it then, I have to feign as if I was scratching rather than rubbing. If I'm partly erect by then, I have to try thinking of other things or risk a full erection after I've possibly drawn attention to that area by "scratching" there. 

One pair of my jeans has already begun to develop a small hole just to the left of the zipper, and right in the area where my penis usually sits. The hole is frayed and still covered by strands of blue threads, but now it's only a matter of time before the hole becomes larger and where at least some of my penis will be visible through it. 

I only have three pairs of jeans at the time that aren't torn or very worn out, so unless I do laundry every other day I end up needing this pair of jeans. I also usually fail to notice I put this pair on until I get an erection at some point, which usually only happens after I'm out and away from home. The jeans are still in very good shape other than the hole beside the zipper, so until the hole gets too big it seems a waste to stop wearing them. I don't think I could stand wearing underwear all day since I never do, and I only have a single pair of them in a drawer anyway. I also made a promise to someone a long time ago that I would never wear them for any reason. So for now and until the hole gets too large, I will still be wearing that pair of jeans every third day.

Within the next few wearings and washings, the hole will probably be large enough to reveal some part of my penis, but only if someone really takes a good look there. A few more washing and wearings after that and it's sure to be large enough to reveal a good portion of my penis and probably won't be able to be worn any longer without a risk of my penis actually protruding through the hole itself. 

At night it's bit of a different story, since no clothing is involved or worn then. Each night once I get into bed there's a certain amount of time where I seem to just be adjusting to beginning another night of being exposed through the window. By then much of the activity nearby has subsided a good bit and there's less of a possibility for many people to be out and about. But there are still those who may be walking a dog for a final time for the night, those who just end their days later than most, and those who have some reason to be out or about that isn't usual for them.

When I first get into bed feel quite aware of these things, even if it's for no apparent reason. Within minutes though, I start to settle in for the night. Mostly it's just me once again resigning myself to the fact that whoever is going to see me is just going to see me. 

Not masturbating for many days seems to ensure that my first erection in bed now occurs even as I'm very near to falling asleep. Whenever I'm brought back to being awake by something after being very close to falling asleep entirely, I find that I almost always have an erection already. One more recent development seems to be that one of the things that bring me back to awake is when I begin to thrust my hips upwards, even while I'm lying on my back. It's as if I'm humping nothing but air. I never recall this occurring before and it must be due to not masturbating for many days. 

When it happens and I wake up again, there's always a short period of time where I forget that I'm currently exposed until it reoccurs to me. At that point I'm aware that anyone looking in at me could have just seen the entire event, and nothing can change what may have been seen. 

Until just recently it was mostly when lying on my stomach that the thrusting and humping would occur, which was why I would remain on my back until I fell asleep. Once asleep I would inevitably move or change positions and the thrusting and humping would occur anyway, but while on my back it didn't occur. Now it seems that it does occur no matter what position I am lying in.

I'm left wondering now about how often or how long I might be doing this if I don't wake up due to it. Just last night I awoke to find my self on my back with an erection and thrusting my hips upwards before stopping myself from doing it. A moment later I noticed some lights outside that were bright enough not to be hidden by the glare of the room lights on the glass. When I glanced that way I saw that it was the lights of the vehicle of a nearby neighbor. They appeared to have just parked where they usually do or were about to leave. I couldn't be sure right them which it was, but my window is easily visible from that parking space. 

When the vehicle just sat there with lights on for several minutes, I began to convince myself that no one was inside and that only the lights were left on. Just as I decided I might be right about that, the dome light came on and three unidentifiable people began to exit the vehicle. In the dark I couldn't see them well. I assumed that at least one of them was the owner of the vehicle. I don't know for sure that they had been sitting there watching me, but I knew they could have been. If they were looking in at me then they would certainly have seen me thrusting my hips with an erection. By then though, it would have been done and over with, so once they went inside I did my best to dismiss the whole thing. 

Only later did it occur to me the residence they entered has windows that I would also be observable from. 

At that time I did notice that nearly all parking spaces had a vehicle parked in them. I woke up near dawn to find quite a few vehicles had left during the night, likely just recently as the early risers left for wherever they were going. As if to confirm this, two vehicles spontaneously backed out from opposite sides of the parking area and one followed the other to the exit nearest to me. Both sets of headlights remained aimed in my direction until they reached a point where a turn was necessary.  

I may be vastly underestimating the number of times I may have potentially been seen or am being seen, since I'm so rarely awake during this period of exodus from the parking area. I have to wonder if I was sleeping motionless at those times, which would limit what was seen to just seeing me naked, or if I was performing some action or had an erection. 

At best it seems that I may have been exposed naked to quite a few more others than I assumed. Since I do seem to be becoming more "active" while asleep, I would have had no control over what I might have been doing or how I was exposed during all of this time, and no way to know about most or any of it. 

It seems accurate to say that no plateau or leveling off point had been reached for the increase in my state of arousal. It's increase may have slowed down a bit, but it does seem to still be increasing ever slowly.

NOTE: 

It has recently been mentioned to me that the link to this blog was not as available to friends and people who know me, mainly on Facebook, that it should be. It appears that there are ways of posting the link that I hadn't considered.

A link to the blog is now located in the intro of my Facebook page and has also been added to some recent posts. Posting only the blog link in a post still generates an automatic image that is likely to be flagged, but posting the link in an existing post seems to avoid this issue.

As a way of accounting for this lack of availability of the link to this blog, it will now be included in any future posts to ensure that friends and others who know me have the maximum opportunity possible to see and read this blog.