Post: January 11th

Update on a few topics:

At the current time it is the the eleventh day of no masturbating. I have not had one single ejaculation or climax since Jan. 1st and it's now into the eleventh day. For brief periods during the day I can feel very little effect from it, but never for more than several minutes. 

Questionnaire for deciding upon David Steckel's masturbation, or lack of it. Majority decision must remain in effect unless or until it changes/

https://forms.gle/c5J2e99Sx94kNi3UA 

Within a short time my penis decides to remind me that it will become hard or erect whenever it wants to. Even trying to think of non-arousing things doesn't always work well or too quickly.

This morning I got an erection while driving, just before I arrived at a convenience store where I needed to stop. I pulled into the lot and I couldn't get my erection to subside. After sitting there for a minute or so I had to get out of the car, since I didn't have much time to spare. There were a few others around, mostly sitting in other cars that all park front-end-in facing the store. The store is along a congested highway with a traffic light right there and cars were sitting there waiting. 

When I stood up, my penis was in a bad spot and felt like it was being bent, so I tried as casually as I could to readjust its position in my pants. I don't know for sure if I was casual enough for anyone not to notice, but I saw no sign of anyone noticing.

Being in front of so many cars and people, I didn't really inspect how I might appear down there and just walked into the store. I grabbed what I needed and stood next in line at the register. On the wall to my left there was a large screen that showed that part of the store on the screen. I saw the cashier, the person in front of me, and myself. On the screen I could see a bulge in the front of my jeans and I immediately had the urge to cover it up. Before I did, I realized how obvious that would be, and that I would also be shown on the screen and would be visible even to those who couldn't see much of my front. I had to just let it go and hope no one else noticed. I assume that no one did notice, only because no one acted like they did.

If I didn't know better I would swear that my penis wants everyone to know it's there, and to see one of its capabilities. 

Any time my mind wanders, I can find my hand reaching between my legs and even rubbing myself there. This happens when I'm alone when I just have to stop myself from doing, but it has happened a few times when others are around or present too. When I realize it then, I have to feign as if I was scratching rather than rubbing. If I'm partly erect by then, I have to try thinking of other things or risk a full erection after I've possibly drawn attention to that area by "scratching" there. 

One pair of my jeans has already begun to develop a small hole just to the left of the zipper, and right in the area where my penis usually sits. The hole is frayed and still covered by strands of blue threads, but now it's only a matter of time before the hole becomes larger and where at least some of my penis will be visible through it. 

I only have three pairs of jeans at the time that aren't torn or very worn out, so unless I do laundry every other day I end up needing this pair of jeans. I also usually fail to notice I put this pair on until I get an erection at some point, which usually only happens after I'm out and away from home. The jeans are still in very good shape other than the hole beside the zipper, so until the hole gets too big it seems a waste to stop wearing them. I don't think I could stand wearing underwear all day since I never do, and I only have a single pair of them in a drawer anyway. I also made a promise to someone a long time ago that I would never wear them for any reason. So for now and until the hole gets too large, I will still be wearing that pair of jeans every third day.

Within the next few wearings and washings, the hole will probably be large enough to reveal some part of my penis, but only if someone really takes a good look there. A few more washing and wearings after that and it's sure to be large enough to reveal a good portion of my penis and probably won't be able to be worn any longer without a risk of my penis actually protruding through the hole itself. 

At night it's bit of a different story, since no clothing is involved or worn then. Each night once I get into bed there's a certain amount of time where I seem to just be adjusting to beginning another night of being exposed through the window. By then much of the activity nearby has subsided a good bit and there's less of a possibility for many people to be out and about. But there are still those who may be walking a dog for a final time for the night, those who just end their days later than most, and those who have some reason to be out or about that isn't usual for them.

When I first get into bed feel quite aware of these things, even if it's for no apparent reason. Within minutes though, I start to settle in for the night. Mostly it's just me once again resigning myself to the fact that whoever is going to see me is just going to see me. 

Not masturbating for many days seems to ensure that my first erection in bed now occurs even as I'm very near to falling asleep. Whenever I'm brought back to being awake by something after being very close to falling asleep entirely, I find that I almost always have an erection already. One more recent development seems to be that one of the things that bring me back to awake is when I begin to thrust my hips upwards, even while I'm lying on my back. It's as if I'm humping nothing but air. I never recall this occurring before and it must be due to not masturbating for many days. 

When it happens and I wake up again, there's always a short period of time where I forget that I'm currently exposed until it reoccurs to me. At that point I'm aware that anyone looking in at me could have just seen the entire event, and nothing can change what may have been seen. 

Until just recently it was mostly when lying on my stomach that the thrusting and humping would occur, which was why I would remain on my back until I fell asleep. Once asleep I would inevitably move or change positions and the thrusting and humping would occur anyway, but while on my back it didn't occur. Now it seems that it does occur no matter what position I am lying in.

I'm left wondering now about how often or how long I might be doing this if I don't wake up due to it. Just last night I awoke to find my self on my back with an erection and thrusting my hips upwards before stopping myself from doing it. A moment later I noticed some lights outside that were bright enough not to be hidden by the glare of the room lights on the glass. When I glanced that way I saw that it was the lights of the vehicle of a nearby neighbor. They appeared to have just parked where they usually do or were about to leave. I couldn't be sure right them which it was, but my window is easily visible from that parking space. 

When the vehicle just sat there with lights on for several minutes, I began to convince myself that no one was inside and that only the lights were left on. Just as I decided I might be right about that, the dome light came on and three unidentifiable people began to exit the vehicle. In the dark I couldn't see them well. I assumed that at least one of them was the owner of the vehicle. I don't know for sure that they had been sitting there watching me, but I knew they could have been. If they were looking in at me then they would certainly have seen me thrusting my hips with an erection. By then though, it would have been done and over with, so once they went inside I did my best to dismiss the whole thing. 

Only later did it occur to me the residence they entered has windows that I would also be observable from. 

At that time I did notice that nearly all parking spaces had a vehicle parked in them. I woke up near dawn to find quite a few vehicles had left during the night, likely just recently as the early risers left for wherever they were going. As if to confirm this, two vehicles spontaneously backed out from opposite sides of the parking area and one followed the other to the exit nearest to me. Both sets of headlights remained aimed in my direction until they reached a point where a turn was necessary.  

I may be vastly underestimating the number of times I may have potentially been seen or am being seen, since I'm so rarely awake during this period of exodus from the parking area. I have to wonder if I was sleeping motionless at those times, which would limit what was seen to just seeing me naked, or if I was performing some action or had an erection. 

At best it seems that I may have been exposed naked to quite a few more others than I assumed. Since I do seem to be becoming more "active" while asleep, I would have had no control over what I might have been doing or how I was exposed during all of this time, and no way to know about most or any of it. 

It seems accurate to say that no plateau or leveling off point had been reached for the increase in my state of arousal. It's increase may have slowed down a bit, but it does seem to still be increasing ever slowly.

NOTE: 

It has recently been mentioned to me that the link to this blog was not as available to friends and people who know me, mainly on Facebook, that it should be. It appears that there are ways of posting the link that I hadn't considered.

A link to the blog is now located in the intro of my Facebook page and has also been added to some recent posts. Posting only the blog link in a post still generates an automatic image that is likely to be flagged, but posting the link in an existing post seems to avoid this issue.

As a way of accounting for this lack of availability of the link to this blog, it will now be included in any future posts to ensure that friends and others who know me have the maximum opportunity possible to see and read this blog.