Exposure update

 It's been eight days since the last update, so another update is about due.

The most noteworthy subject is probably that the three week point has been passed since I was last able to masturbate. 

https://forms.gle/cx6YQK5zF6fuNk3n8  

For a short time I believed some point had been passed where being repeatedly aroused at random times of the day and night has eased some, since even erections occurred a bit less often.

I don't know why there was some reprieve for me for a few days, just as I don't know why I've once again begun to be aroused without an apparent reason or get erections at random times.

The short reprieve seems to have caused me to lower my guard a bit. 

I was recently driving n a multi lane highway with lots of traffic lights and turning lanes, and doing it early in the morning when lots of other traffic was present. 

I had a partial erection for some of the drive, but it soon became a full erection that was clearly outlined in my pants. Since I don't wear underwear, the erection extended several inches down the inner part of my left leg. As I drove along there was traffic in all three lanes that remained built up at a traffic signal even after the light had turned green. I ended up sitting still quite a bit. 

I first began rubbing my pants over top of my erection in an absent minded way, but because it felt so good I became aware of doing it. I was so aroused though, and because I saw no vehicles near me that were tall enough for anyone to see between my legs, I kept rubbing slowly and carefully. I wanted the feeling but I knew that climaxing was still not permitted no matter how much I might want it.

I pulled into a lane on the left and waited for the signal ahead to change to allow crossing of the three oncoming lanes of traffic. While I sat there, the three lanes of traffic on my right kept going through a green traffic signal. 

I was so caught up in my rubbing that I never paid attention to how the traffic on my right had stopped due to the signal in front of them turning red. 

I was suddenly aware of a high, white pickup truck just beside me, and I saw a guy behind the wheel watching me rub the raised area of fabric covering my erection, The truck windows had a tint to them, so seeing beyond the driver was difficult. I did think I saw another person in the passenger seat trying to lean over to look my way. There was definitely someone else moving around over there, but the tint on the glass made it hard to tell what they were doing or looking at.

I stopped my rubbing, and a second or so later the guy looked right at me with just a trace of a smirk on his face. I knew that he knew what I'd been doing, and he knew that I knew I'd bee seen by him doing it. Fortunately for me the signal for turning changed to green and I was able to make my turn. I knew I had to be more careful and to restrain my urges and impulses while in public.

I did begin to rub my erection a couple more times after that, but as soon as I realized I was doing it I forced myself to stop.

Sometimes in private I will let myself rub for a while, since it feels good. It's just a tease though, and the price for that is to be fully stimulated and close to a climax, but having to stop without any release or relief.

Even before I got out of bed that morning, I had been drifting in and out of sleep for a while before, and I was aware that I was maintaining a full erection. At the time it was still mostly dark out and soon began to get s bit light outside. I recall looking towards the uncovered window during one of these moments and noticed that some cars were moving about with their headlights on. I knew this meant that people were heading to their cars and going to wherever they needed to go, and that they might be seeing me or looking my way as they did this.

I knew there was nothing preventing them from seeing me naked, and I was still too groggy and half asleep to want to give it much thought. I did wish my erection would go away so that they wouldn't see me naked and with a full erection, but the erection was unrelenting. I knew turning onto my front would be unbearable and way too stimulating, so all there was to do is lie there naked, illuminated, and with a full erection. By reminding myself that there was no point in thinking about any of that right now, I managed to doze off again for a while.

I don't think there's any way to actually get used to being completely exposed naked to the view of anyone nearby who has even the slightest desire to look. The most that seems possible is to adjust as much as possible to it. This involves repeatedly reminding myself that not one single thing is private for me while in bed. I still try to deceive myself at times by telling myself that no one is seeing me or looking, but I know that's not really possible or realistic. 

I don't know it, but I feel that by now after more than sixty nights and well over 400 hours of being exposed, that some of those nearby have come to expect to see me exposed during the night whenever they happen to look my way. I don't believe that any of them would react to it if I wasn't exposed when they expected me to be, other than wondering why I wasn't exposed, but I do believe that it would be noticed by some. Those seeing me for their first time would still probably just look without any real expectations.

My nightly erections and my humping of the bed still continue unabated, and if anything they occur more than ever. A dozen or so times per week I awaken during the night to find myself on my front and humping the bed with an erection. The only option then is to roll over to try to limit the stimulation of my erection, which then exposes my erection to additional possible view. Much or even all of this must be due to having not masturbated or climaxed for more then three weeks and counting.

It does appear that my arousal and erections will continue well into the foreseeable future, since the results of the questionnaire remain largely unchanged. 

https://forms.gle/cx6YQK5zF6fuNk3n8 

A few times I wanted to climax so much that I would momentarily consider just masturbating even without permission to do it, but each time I have to dismiss that thought. I know that explaining why I did it or worse, lying about it would never be successful over the long term. I have no doubt at all that at some point it would be discovered due to an inconsistency by me or for some other reason. 

With the current results by far deciding that I cannot masturbate, I simply have to accept that there is no masturbating unless or until the results and the majority decision changes.

A graph of the current questionnaire results: