I hope the anonymous commenters don't mind when a comment is used in a blog post, but it often seems like they are a good reference or a good place to start.
So many more things have an erotic feel to them than ever before. Things like being stuck in traffic or having to wait in line for something are now erotic in some way for me. Those things may not cause an erection for me directly, but without me even thinking about it or being immediately aware of it, I will begin rubbing between my legs. In most cases I notice I'm doing it pretty quickly and make myself stop doing it.
In traffic while driving, the urgency to stop doing it seems lesser, so I may even continue doing it then until I do have an erection. I may even continue beyond that, but once I do have an erection now, I know that I am already not too far away from cumming. Where edging might have lasted for minutes when I could still masturbate often, it now can only last from a few seconds to less than a minute after I have an erection and my dick is being stimulated. Now I have to stop right away because of the risk of cumming and violating that requirement.
When I do it while waiting in line somewhere, I stop it as soon as I realize I'm doing it, even though by then I have already done it a little bit and any others around could have noticed me doing it. I usually try to mask it by acting as though I was scratching an itch or adjusting something between my legs. It's not the ideal masking, but it seems better than being seen stimulating myself.
In public I also have to be very wary of doing it, since if I'm wearing the jeans with the large hole in front it's possible for my shirt to end up being lifted up higher. If it lifts up with the current size of the hole, it would enable anyone nearby to see into the hole. At the very least it would reveal that I had nothing on under my pants. More than likely it would enable a view of my dick, and also part of my balls now that the hole has gotten larger.
I also stop doing it when in public because if I get an erection, especially wearing the jeans with the hole, it's really hard to hide the bulge with my shirt. An erection is now more likely than ever to stick out of the hole, so if my shirt happens to lift up when it's sticking out it would be clearly exposed to everyone within sight.
As of April 29th of 2023 I have managed to obey the requirement of not cumming for 118 days straight so far, and I don't dare violate it or disobey and disrespect what others have decided about it.
It's still endlessly frustrating to have to stay horny and so turned on for so much of the time, but the frustration isn't just pure everyday frustration. It's not easy to explain, but it's a strange sort of frustration. It's a kind of erotic and sexual frustration that's unique and separate from just basic frustration.
I never know how to expect it to make me feel at any given time. I get urges to do things that don't seem to make sense for the situation, and ones I know I can't act upon, but the urges do still come.
One example is something that occurs while I'm working. I paint houses and other structures for a living, and when I'm outside and up high on a ladder trying to paint something hard to reach and tedious where accuracy and neatness are required, I can suddenly get the urge to just stop and remove all of my clothes and throw them as far away as possible. I just suddenly feel like I am supposed to be up there completely naked at least until I finish the task in front of me, if not also for the rest of the day. It's not even always a matter of wanting to do it, but it's feeling as though I'm supposed to.
I don't know why that urge occurs, but it's occurred several times since I haven't been masturbating.
Any time that my pants where my dick is or just my uncovered dick rubs up against anything, it feels stimulating and reminds me of how aroused or near to being aroused that I am. Depending on what I'm doing at the time and how involved in something that I am at the time, the rubbing and stimulation can cause an erection. In any case I can really only acknowledge my arousal and try to deal with it as best as I can, since I know there's nothing else I can do about it.
Being so horny and aroused for so much of the day, and even at night is not all bad in spite of the sexual frustration that comes along with it. It's amazing to me how quickly and easily I get an erection now, almost but not quite like when starting puberty. Only now I know and understand a lot more about it than I did back then. My dick has become very sensitive to any stimulation compared to when I could regularly masturbate and probably overly masturbate.
Involuntarily humping the bed at night while sleeping or even occasionally voluntarily humping it never felt so good as it does now in spite of the fact that at the time I'm exposed naked while doing it and almost certainly being seen through a window at times doing it.
I don't ever seem to get angry or upset about being so aroused and horny or the fact that I can't have relief. Aside from being horny and aroused, it's mainly just the sexual frustration of knowing I have to stay that way all of the time. I can only assume the reason I don;t get upset is because so many others so far have decided that I deserve to have to stay aroused and horny. I just can't escape the fact that since that's what's mostly been decided so far, that it must be true that I deserve to have to stay aroused and horny. I can't exactly be upset about something if it's what I deserve.
As for whatever the eventual final result is on the decisions on masturbating or intentionally being allowed to climax, I realize that others know much, much better than me about what what result I deserve, and the final majority decision is sure to be the right one, and the one I deserve.
Of course the poll for deciding upon my masturbation is still open and will remain open until February 1st of 2024 for those who might wish to include their decision.
https://poll-maker.com/QW60PXF8K
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