In the last couple of days, seven more votes were received in the poll, and all seven chose that I cannot masturbate or intentionally cum. The poll will still be open for many months yet, but the current results seem to indicate that I may not actually deserve to masturbate or cum intentionally. Since the current result in the majority must be obeyed, it's clear that I definitely won't be masturbating or cumming any time soon. I will be remaining aroused, horny, and turned on, which I have to accept as what I deserve.
https://poll-maker.com/QW60PXF8K
Aside from learning what I actually deserve, not masturbating is revealing some unexpected things to me.
The most unexpected of all is that being aroused and turned on from not masturbating kind of turns around on itself for me. By that I mean that because I am most often aroused and horny, and I know that I cannot masturbate or cum, knowing I have to stay that way arouses and turns me on even more. So basically, being aroused and turned on from not being allowed to masturbate makes me even more aroused and turned on. It took a while of not masturbating before that seemed to begin, but I may just have taken a while to realize it. I have been prohibited from masturbating for more than 90 days so far, so I don't know if knowing I can't masturbate or cum will continue to keep making me even more aroused and turned on. I suppose it's just another part of what I deserve though.
Another thing I've discovered is that I cannot resist edging myself repeatedly and often, even though I know it can never result in me cumming or ejaculating. I don't technically masturbate, since I don't actually stroke or use a hand. Being so aroused all I have to do is to keep lightly touching my dick with a fingertip on the under side just below the head, and it's enough to keep be edged. I have to pause every so often to ensure that I don't get too close to cumming, which is an endless tease for me, but I know I have to obey the requirement for not cumming at all.
I don't really want to do it and keep teasing myself, but if I'm alone and preoccupied with something else, I often realize I am already doing it. Once I realize it, it's very hard to stop doing it. Usually something will interrupt me and I will stop then, or I get so aroused that I can barely do it at all without a risk of cumming, and my only option is to force myself to stop doing it. Occasionally I stop because I have someplace to go, which usually means I'm heading out being super aroused and with an erection. Most of the time when walking out the door I'm aroused with an erection.
Something I found to be very true is that I do not dare to risk intentionally cumming no matter how possible it might appear that there's a chance for getting away with it. Knowing I'm not allowed to intentionally cum and knowing it would violate a requirement is more than enough to ensure that I obey the requirement. I would know I was guilty of violating the requirement, and of disobeying decisions others have made, and I would be stuck living with that guilt. I also feel absolutely sure that my offense would be known about or discovered, and I would have no justification for it. What most voters decide that I deserve is certain to be what I deserve, and that decision must be accepted by me and obeyed by me. Accepting what I deserve is the only option for me.
With the requirement that I have to sleep naked every night, without any covering, with sufficiently bright lights on, and with the window uncovered that enables a direct view of me from outside, not be permitted to masturbate is continuously causing erections and leading me to hump the bed, mostly during sleep, but now also when awake but near to falling asleep. I tried to limit or even prevent these things from occurring, since they can and likely will be seen by others with a view of my window, but I've had to resign myself to the fact that those things are going to occur due to me being so aroused and horny. Because they are going to occur, I just have to accept the fact that others are going to see those things when they are seeing me naked in bed. Some have more than likely already seen me with an erection in bed or seen me humping the bed naked or both, which can't be unseen even if I could somehow limit or prevent those things from occurring.
Each night, I go to bed only knowing that I will be exposed naked through the window all night long, but most nights, or for all I know every night, I end up providing much more of a display for anyone who sees me through the window due to being so aroused from not masturbating or cumming. It's clear by now that this is going to continue indefinitely if not always, so maybe eventually everyone who can see it will see it, and there will hardly be anyone left who hasn't seen all of it. That seems about the only real option for me, since I'm required not to hide, cover, or conceal anything during the night or while in bed.
I suppose getting what I deserve can't be expected to be easy all of the time, but I know it does have to be accepted as much as possible even when it's occurring.
Note: The poll https://poll-maker.com/QW60PXF8K has three options or choices ever since it had to be moved to a different polling site, since it was mentioned twice that the poll options were to complex and complicated, and that the poll needed to be simplified to options that either allowed me to masturbate or for me to not be allowed to masturbate. The earlier options were said to be redundant. They also received basically no votes, so their removal didn't effect the overall results.
Two options still allow for the option for me to masturbate in some way, while one does not. So in the end I will either have some sort of permission to masturbate and cum, or I will be permanently prohibited from masturbating and intentionally cumming, and I will have to accept that I only deserve to be aroused and turned on. But that's for voters to decide and I am and will be required to obey their decision.
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