Update on my requirement for no masturbation.

 I was asked some questions in a comment about my masturbation, or actually about my lack of it. It's probably just easier to share the entire comment and my response to it before going further.

The comment:

 Can you absolutely swear that you're not masturbating at all and haven't since even once since day one of not being able to do it? Not a single drop of cum? Do you edge yourself at all? Bringing yourself to the very edge of cumming? If you do then how can you keep from cumming when you're so desperate for it? What about when you hump your bed at night? If you haven't cum because of it, how do you avoid it? These are things everyone should know.

My reply:

 Yes I can swear that it's one hundred percent true that I have not masturbated since the first day of being required not to. The last time I masturbated or came was in the early evening on Sunday, January 1st which was New Years Day. I didn't know then that I wouldn't be doing it again anytime soon. If everyone should know about all of those things, then it's probably best if it's related in a post instead of a response. I'll admit that a couple times a drop of cum nearly came out, but as far as I know there hasn't been a single drop. If it got that far I think a lot more would have ended up coming out. I promise to address all that was asked in a post very soon

I can swear to the fact that I haven't masturbated or came at all even once since I was first required not to masturbate. I realize that it can seem easy for me to just say so but most people who know me personally would probably know that I don't do such things. My own conscience won't allow it and I know I can't get away with it for long. 

Since everything about this is to be public knowledge, I know that telling the absolute truth about it is even more necessary. I also know that others expect their decision to be abided by.

I'm sure that not a drop of cum has come out of my penis since the last time I masturbated. Even if it happened while I was asleep, something would show up on the sheet over my mattress or on the tip of my penis. By now I probably have a good amount of pent up cum that would come out if any cum at all came out while I was asleep. I don't think I could sleep through anything like that.

I admit that I've tried a few times to bring myself close to cumming, but it just ends up with me teasing myself and leaves me highly aroused and feeling even more desperate to masturbate and cum. Once it was five days or so into not masturbating I would get so close to cumming so fast and in such a short time that I had to start just leaving my penis alone entirely. Otherwise I would have cum by masturbating and then have to reveal to everyone that I ignored a decision and did what I was required not to do. 

The event of nearly cumming from my penis rubbing a box that I was carrying, and from thrusting my hips up and down while sitting at a red traffic signal have proven to me that I have to be very careful about stimulating my penis in any way. 

I honestly don;t know how I haven;t cum due to humping my bed at night, especially since it seems to happen much more often than it did before. I can only assume that whenever I get anywhere near cumming then, I wake up. Once I wake up it usually only takes me a short time to realize that I'm basically on display naked to much of the neighborhood and that I'm possibly being seen or watched at that very moment. That could be just enough to keep me from cumming at least for now.

It's not so much that I think anyone watching would know for sure that I was cumming, but that they would see me humping my bed like crazy and see my ass bouncing up and down as it does. I know it's very possible for anyone nearby to be seeing that anyway if I do it in my sleep and don't realize I'm doing it or being seen doing it, but it's pretty humiliating to know I'm doing in possible full view of the neighborhood. I can't stop or prevent anyone from seeing or watching me naked in bed all night long or what I might do while asleep, but I do at least have some ability while I'm awake and aware to avoid having them see my bare ass going up and down while I thrust my penis onto the bed. It's one of the few things I can have some effect on. 

I've mentioned before how it feels my penis is in charge and in control now, and how I'm just along for the ride. I know that's just a creation of my own mind, but that doesn't make it feel any less true. It can get hard and erect any time it wants to and it doesn't care where it happens or who sees it. It can seem as if it knows that it can tease me to no end and that I just have to let it do it. If it could and did know any of that, I might have to admit that it was right. 

I'm a bit embarrassed to admit one thing, but since it's all public anyway there's no point in me concealing it. That is how in spite of the desperation and not having any release from being aroused and horny so often, it's really not all bad for me.

I would never have expected it or know any different if I could still masturbate, but there are moments when I find that I actually enjoy feeling so turned on, and how little it takes for me to come close to climaxing. I also enjoy some of the quite erotic dreams I seem to have recently, even in spite of what it might be or is enabling neighbors and others nearby to see. Even though I can't climax or cum, it does feel good to simply thrust my hips a few times and for it to have such an effect on me. Not being able to continue with it until I cum is frustrating, but the feeling itself is very good. 

It's also a bit of an erotic feeling to be around others while being so aroused and turned on without them knowing anything about it. Sometimes I wonder if they can tell or if they know it, but unless I would have an orgasm and cum right there in front of them I know there's no way they can know.